Who can pin down in words the feeling of genetic recognition you can get when seeing a blood relation? I felt this reassuring familiarity today while watching a video of my first cousin. Richard Easton. It was part of his obituary in the New York Times. By the way he expressed himself, the expression on his face, the twinkle in his eyes, the play of his mouth – yes, I thought and certainly felt, this is “us” rather than “them”.
Dickie was my only first cousin. My mother lost one of her two brothers to typhoid while he was a young naval officer stationed in Malta. Her other brother never had children. My father’s sister married a Canadian at the end of the First World War and went to live in Montreal. Later his mother, a widow., crossed the Atlantic to visit them – and never returned, due to the outbreak of the Second World War. She died aged 98 in the 1950s. Dickie’s two elder brothers had joined the Canadian Air Force at the start of the war and were both shot down and killed.
These losses are part of the growing total of losses in my life and add to my present realisation that we never know the full story of anyone until after their death. The regret of not knowing, seeing or appreciating a relation or a good friend as well as we might is part of grief. It makes us want to do better with present friends and relations. But being human, we may never follow through with our best intentions.
I should add to this that my sister and I, in our 80s, have no other relations left of our generation, and we hardly ever saw Dickie, the Atlantic, different careers and lives getting in the way. But when we did meet, it was a joy. I do know that not all families like all members of their families. We were lucky.
One more thought this morning. I’m glad I captured in print some wonderfully descriptive letters written by Dickie’s elder brothers. Alive in World War Two is the title of a collection of letters exchanged during the Second World War by family members, available on Amazon.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Alive-World-War-Two-commentary-ebook/dp/B01M5CY3ND/
Also available is the light-hearted, cartoon-illustrated spoof I’ve produced: The SB Guide to Nature, a Kindle ebook as from yesterday and soon to be a wafer-thin paperback. Cousin Dickie would have been amused by it, I’m sure. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B082P9CB7Z/
from the intrepid explorer’s sketch book